im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
