and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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