tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
