If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
