Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
