how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
