I'm pants shitting drunk right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
