How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
