I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
