my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
