so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The ass gains better be worth it
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