he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
