Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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