I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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