he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
