dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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