I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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