we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
