is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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