my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
