the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
