yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
