allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
