Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
