Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
