God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
