Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
