remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
