I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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