sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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