Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
