tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
