Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
