Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
