is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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