They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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