I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
