During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
