If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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