Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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