i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
