i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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