there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
