You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
