so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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