I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
