i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
