Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
