my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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