does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
