her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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