I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
