I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
